The date for mine and Lydia’s travels is suddenly damn close and I’m lowkey freaking out so I thought I’d splurge some brain activity on here. We have been planning this trip for months now and yes, many other backpackers probably do similar, but for me I’ve been consumed by the organisation and research so that I can be as relaxed as possible and feeling confident with the situation we are about to be in.
Interrailing is a big thing and anyone who deals with anxiety knows that something like travelling can be hella triggering even though it’s a FUN choice (mental health is confusing ok, stick with me). We have decided to visit multiple countries over the span of 22 days which means we have given ourselves a challenge of finding multiple places where I can eat at as well as hostels with kitchens so that we can reduce the risk of me panicking at the thought of having to eat a meal out.
To give some context; I am a Coeliac and have been following a gluten free diet since I was 3 (when I was diagnosed). At that age I was also lactose intolerant but I grew out of it by the time I was 5, until recently where some symptoms have come back which, yeah, has been a ball ache trying to work out what the f my body is doing but it’s been pretty easy to adapt at home. Eating out has its complications for someone with dietary restrictions and with my recent adaption to being a vegetarian, as well as dabbling in veganism, means that I have a few challenges to face.
My anxiety stems mostly from social situations and significantly, to no surprise, around food. Along with emetophobia (a fear of sick) I get myself in a pickle a lot of the time with overthinking and hating myself for not just eating something and behaving like a normal person afterwards. My fear around food came back hard and fast at the end of summer of last year what with a bad mental health spell leading me to re-ignite my eating problems and getting so frustrated with the fact that I would drive myself into a panic attack around the thought of eating somewhere new or eating then having to leave the house (as home is a safe haven if I'm feeling poorly). All of this jumbled into one is pretty damaging but I have been trying to combat the fear by going to counselling since December and using the breathing techniques and meditation I have learnt over the years in an attempt to quieten the negative thoughts buzzing around my head.
Some may think, oh yeah but you’ve had experience with going out and about before you’ll be fiiiine. Haha, no no my friends, you are quite mislead. You may be shocked to believe that I have never left the UK or even stayed in a hotel so you can kind of see where my fear of the unknown is positioned currently.
Because of my dedication to wanting to make this the easiest trip possible for the both of us, I have been surfing the web finding a bunch of incredible restaurants, cafes and bakeries across Europe who have 100% gluten free dedicated kitchens as well as ones that are also vegan/ dairy free. The recent discovery of this abundance of choice has mellowed my screaming brain which is a delight, as well as following a bunch of accounts on Instagram who specialise in GF travel and give great tips for travelling with dietary requirements. Who says the internet sucks??
So I guess this post is just a blob of worries flitting around my head showing that one day I am consumed and controlled by and the other I’m sat here thinking, why the hell are you even worried mate it’s gonna be laugh! We have all these great cities to visit and culture to experience and buildings to gawp at so my aim for the next three and a half weeks is to remind myself how influential the experience is going to be as well as putting two middle fingers up to my deepest fears. I am also looking forward to the following posts of my reflection of the trip which will, undoubtedly, be amazing and life changing and all that jazz which is another motive for me to just get on with it.
Additionally, I am incredibly grateful to be travelling with such an empathetic, supportive and understanding friend who hasn’t complained once about me going on about all my food issues and repetitive trains of thoughts. She’s really taken on board the fact that this is probably the scariest thing I could do but I know she’s there and is also pumped for trying out cool gluten free spots.
Everyone needs a Lydia in their life.